The long night...

December 5th was Parker and Emma Jane's second second birthday. We didn't do too much this year, but did mark the day with some cupcakes which they thoroughly enjoyed. They are growing up so fast. They can sing the entire ABC song, count to ten (with help), and I personally think are pretty flippin smart. I am constantly amazed by them.

I know she looks unhappy... but she really wasn't.

Many people have asked me if they know there is a baby coming... and I think they know as much as they can. They know there is a baby in Mommy's belly and they know its going to be their sister. They look at the ultrasound pictures and know its a baby- but that is about it!

Speaking of the baby girl, we are almost 26 weeks in. For those of you who were in our lives when the girls were born- alarm bells should be going off in your head. Tomorrow night is The Night- the night my water broke last time. This week has been a hard week for me. Building up to this point, fear has slowly overtaken me and has hit me full force this week. I feel this sense of impending doom that I can't possible prepare for. I have done what I can- we have groceries, the house is clean, Christmas presents bought and wrapped, emergency plans in place- but there is nothing else I can do. I have been to the Dr. 1000 times and both have assured me what I am feeling (terror) is normal and to be expected. I went to the Dr. on Tuesday and they estimated the baby's weight as exactly what Emma Jane weighed when she was born. I almost threw up in the office. I feel preemptive guilt over what may happen to Emma Jane and Parker's lives if this child is born early. I feel guilt over knowing that if she is born early I won't be able to spend every waking second at the hospital this time like I did last. All this is to say- tomorrow will be a long day and I know, a long long night.